OPRAH

Yesterday morning, this is where I was:

My friend, Carol Ann, her m-in-law, Jana, and I

went to the OPRAH show.

Here is a breakdown on the morning:

3:30 a.m.: Inadvertantly wake up. Probably from unconsciously worrying about not hearing my alarm.

4:00 a.m.: Arise, shower, shampoo and shine!

5:00 a.m.: Carol Ann and Jana promptly arrive. We drive to the studio and are amazed at the amount of people already up driving to work. We feel sorry for these souls that have to do this day after day.

6:20 a.m.: Find a FREE parking space within a block of the studio.

6:30 a.m.: Claim our place in line. Remain right and ready to shame anyone who wants to cut in line.

7:15 a.m.: Note limo pulling up to curb. Skinny lady in tight jeans and blonde hair exits the limo with her daughter, then searches for money to tip the driver. We wonder aloud who this might be---a guest perhaps? Someone who might try to get out of waiting in line? Hmmm. The speculation continues until we see that she waits in line like the rest of us. Hmmph!

7:20 a.m.: We are told to get in a single-file line. And told again. And told again. We file one-at-a-time into the foyer of the Oprah studios. They check our I.Ds and we are told to get in line again so they can rifle through our purses and take cell phones, cameras, and note-taking apperatus until the end of the show.

7:30 a.m.: We are given a blue piece of paper and then told to go up the stairs and find a seat and wait. And wait. And wait.

7:45 a.m.: We check with those around us to see if anybody knows what the subject of the show was going to be. No one knows. Darn!

8:00 a.m.: We are asked to fill out the said blue sheet with our names, addresses, telephone number and signature. We are told to read the back of the blue sheet which explains that by signing this, we are giving Harpo the right to use anything we say or do on the show or any images of us at the show throughout the world FOREVER. Yes, FOREVER. (That was the last word on the blue sheet.)

8:25 a.m.: They start calling random parties to file into the studio. Then they call the numbers on our blue sheets to find a seat in the studio. I was number 45, so I went with the second herd they called. (Numbers 26 - 50)

8:30 a.m.: Jana, Carol Ann and I find lovely seats smack dab in the middle of the back row. We peruse the audience trying to figure out who the people might be that are sitting in the front. I am surprised at how much smaller the studio is than it appears on T.V.

8:45 a.m.: An Oprah employee comes out and warms up the crowd. We FINALLY are told what the subject of the show will be. When we find out, Jana, Carol Ann and I sigh with relief and wonder because it is JUST what we needed and JUST what we hoped for.........................

We will be discussing

How to Get our SEXY BACK!!!

Yeah!!! Finally, the mystery will be solved.

I know right then and there that this will be a life altering day. Tears come to my eyes as I silently contemplate.

9:00 a.m.: The EXPERTS come out and find their places on the special white leather couch. There is a dark-haired guy who writes about style in O magazine, a lady who also writes for the magazine, a SKINNY, SKINNY, SKINNY blonde girl who is apparently a star stylist (and is also wearing 4.5 inch stilletto heels that she kind of wobbles on as she walks, and finally, Ken Paves, THE hair stylist to the stars. This is Ken:

9:05 a.m.: Oprah enters the studio to great hoops, hollars, and applause. She walks up to the stage holding her 4" heels, wearing sparkly slippers on her feet. She welcomes all of us and then a "handler" joins her on stage as she takes off her slippers and gingerly balances on the honking heels. (They actually have to kind of balance her.)

She does the opening for the show and they cut to commercial break. Her handler comes back up on stage and helps her hobble to her seat by her guests.

The show had four make-overs and one make-under. The make-overs were done on women who had just kind of let themselves go for reasons known unto them. I must say they looked fabulous when they came out on stage. They were all very dressed up---like they were headed to a swanky party. Kind of like this: I'm telling you, to me it was screaming WARD CHRISTMAS PARTY! WARD CHRISTMAS PARTY!! (I can't wait!!)

Then, just as I thought the show couldn't get anymore inspirational or exciting, Oprah pulled a fast one on us! Out walked the REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY!!

(They have a reality show which shows us how unlucky the rest of us are that can't live like them. We don't get to try and dress like 15 year olds and bleach our hair a most unnatural shade of blonde and NEVER, NEVER, NEVER get to clean bathrooms, scrub floors or cook meals. Mind you, they don't eat because their figures don't allow it.) Here they are in all their glory:
Anywho, they got a make-UNDER because they are all so over the top. (And, if you have seen the show by chance, Laurie's millionaire husband was in the audience--I saw him up close as I was walking out. Yes, he is a chinless wonder!)

I must say, they looked MUCH better dressed age-appropriately.

All in all, it was a very interesting experience. It was interesting seeing all the last minute stage prep work they did. It was interesting to see Oprah in person. It was interesting how subdued the studio, Oprah and the guests were during the breaks. It was interesting seeing the waterman bring out water glasses for Oprah and the guests on a silver platter during each break. It was interesting see the stage setup.

I could tell, the Oprah show is a well-run show down to the last, minute detail.

At the very end, our dreams came true as Oprah announced we all got a free gift! No, it wasn't a refridgerator or car. It was from Ken-doll Paves (see picture above) and another lady there that is an apparent eyebrow expert.

Drum roll please.....Inside the lovely gift bags were these highly sought-after beauty items. I personally had no idea there where so many apperati for styling your eye brows. (I have so much to learn!!)
There was only one thing I wish they would have covered for the average stay-at-home mom like me that ponders on a daily basis how in the world to get her sexy back........................How do you cure the Adult Garanimal Syndrome?????

What exactly is Adult Garanimal Syndrome? Well, I think I suffer from it and I think it is somewhat genetic in nature....

Remember when we were kids and they showed GARANIMAL clothes commercials for kids? Garanimals were THE answer to dressing kids. Each piece of clothing had a symbol on it and the kids could just match the symbols and presto! they matched when they walked out the door.

From their website (yes, they still exist!):
"Garanimals was founded on a simple but unique concept: to help parents and children coordinate outfits easily. Each animal represents a line within the collection. Each of the distinct animal lines consists of mix and match separates, whose color and style coordinate with any piece within that same animal line. Each animal then becomes an identifier for the simple piecing system. "

Well, unfortunately, even though I didn't personally own garanimals as a child, I have acquired Adult Garanimals Syndrome. Since I don't have much time to shop for myself (or energy), if I find an article of basic clothing such as pants or shirt, rather than waste more time shopping, I buy the same pair of pants in 3 basic colors (usually black, khaki, and blue). Shirts are bought the same way---same shirt bought in a plethora of basic colors. (My church UNIFORM usually consists of a black skirt and rotated blouses. So creative!!)

Thus, my daily uniform consists of basically the same pants and shirts just in different colors. It's a grab-and-go lifestyle choice, but unfortunately, doesn't lead to applying the lessons from the Oprah show of getting my sexy back.

When I figured this out about myself recently, I realized that it is genetic---that as a child I PROMISED myself I would never do that. NEVER. EVER. EVER.

I guess genetics are so much more powerful than we realize!

My question to my wonderful blogging audience is: Do you suffer from Adult Garanimal Syndrome? Have you overcome it? How?

Please share so I can properly get my sexy back!!